A few thoughts to preface this post. Number one: My blog title is as you might have noticed "Awkward." Number Two: Everybody Poops, this is just a fact. Number Three: I'm sure I'm not the only person who lives in fear of pooping in public restrooms. If after reading these prefaces you feel that you do not want to continue reading, I will understand.
While at work the other day I had to go to the restroom. I was working with Cuz Carrie so most of the time I feel pretty comfortable taking that kind of time away from the office for a potty break. So off I went, and as I did so, I experienced some of the typical anxieties that I have come to feel time and time again. These include but are not limited to the following fears or discomforts.
#1 Fear of people hanging around outside the bathroom. (They could be timing you!)
#2 Fear of people hanging around outside the bathroom that you know! (Even worse if they are timing you!)
#3 Fear that these same people will still be hanging around outside the bathroom when you exit.
#4 Fear of someone being in the stall next to you. (They might hear you and even more dreaded and feared, they might smell something...)
#5 Fear of people waiting in line while you are in the stall. (They might know what you're doing in the the stall! This also adds a lot of pressure to the whole experience.)
#6 Fear of someone coming in and using your stall after you. (The seat might be warm, they could be smart and make the connection that you were the last person to be using that particular stall and this could lead to a lot of embarassment.)
#7 Fear of someone you know coming in and using your stall after you. (It's worse, it just is.)
#8 Fear of taking too long. (People that you left behind in the office, classroom, or dinner table to go to the restroom will start to notice your absence.)
#9 Fear of someone coming in and using the stall next to you and leaving before you are finished. (Its kind of like a race in there!)
#10 Fear of walking out of the stall when someone is waiting and has been waiting the whole time to use your stall, so in a sense they've known all along what's been going on. (This is by far the worst one!)
#11 Fear of running into someone you know in the bathroom and having to have a conversation with them. (It's true that women go to the bathroom in groups, but this is different because it's mostly to touch up hair and makeup or if you have to pee... but who really wants to have a conversation in a bathroom?!)
#2 Fear of people hanging around outside the bathroom that you know! (Even worse if they are timing you!)
#3 Fear that these same people will still be hanging around outside the bathroom when you exit.
#4 Fear of someone being in the stall next to you. (They might hear you and even more dreaded and feared, they might smell something...)
#5 Fear of people waiting in line while you are in the stall. (They might know what you're doing in the the stall! This also adds a lot of pressure to the whole experience.)
#6 Fear of someone coming in and using your stall after you. (The seat might be warm, they could be smart and make the connection that you were the last person to be using that particular stall and this could lead to a lot of embarassment.)
#7 Fear of someone you know coming in and using your stall after you. (It's worse, it just is.)
#8 Fear of taking too long. (People that you left behind in the office, classroom, or dinner table to go to the restroom will start to notice your absence.)
#9 Fear of someone coming in and using the stall next to you and leaving before you are finished. (Its kind of like a race in there!)
#10 Fear of walking out of the stall when someone is waiting and has been waiting the whole time to use your stall, so in a sense they've known all along what's been going on. (This is by far the worst one!)
#11 Fear of running into someone you know in the bathroom and having to have a conversation with them. (It's true that women go to the bathroom in groups, but this is different because it's mostly to touch up hair and makeup or if you have to pee... but who really wants to have a conversation in a bathroom?!)
I do believe I have always had these fears from an early age. It just so happened that at work the other day, I went to the bathroom and encountered a lot of these fears. Sitting outside the bathroom was an older couple from the old 13th ward. I am usually stopped by her because she wants to ask about the family. I normally wouldn't mind talking to her but I hate that it is right when I am about to go to the bathroom, this makes them, and all of the other missionaries, teachers or whoever else might be there, aware of me and thus start the mental clock in their heads. I imagine that ten minutes later they notice that I am FINALLY returning to work... anyway, I had to stop and talk. I then proceded to do my business and while I was doing so, someone came in and out beating me in the great bathroom race. To top it off, Marissa, one of my work collegues who now teaches at the MTC, wandered into the bathroom just as I was finishing up. We had a few words, and then she entered my old stall. I felt mortified and wondered what kind of person she might think I am. I then had to walk back out and face the older couple again, feeling a sense of shame, they've known what I've just done in there. Then I had to go back and face Carrie and tell her that I ran into Marissa. She then laughed and responded, yeah she was here for a while and then left all while you were gone. (Clearly a reference to the time that I had been gone.)
Point is, I don't like public restrooms. They make me uncomfortable and anxiety ridden. I would rather not have people know when I am going or what I'm doing in there. I dream of a world where we will all have private bathrooms all over the world and I won't have to worry about running into people. Those will be the "Golden Days", the time of enlightenment, and a time where doctors will administer very few if any enemas.
Point is, I don't like public restrooms. They make me uncomfortable and anxiety ridden. I would rather not have people know when I am going or what I'm doing in there. I dream of a world where we will all have private bathrooms all over the world and I won't have to worry about running into people. Those will be the "Golden Days", the time of enlightenment, and a time where doctors will administer very few if any enemas.
7 comments:
So funny, but filled with real angst.
Fortunately, not all these are issues for men. If the urinals are occupied, men just use a stall (and pee all over the seat). Men can converse freely at the urinal because, after all there you are and there is no question of what you are doing; they are doing it too.
Just relax and remember, "Everybody Poops."
D.
What a great post, Katy! First of all, I doubt Marissa even thought anything about you and the bathroom. She was probably thinking dreamy thoughts about her Dr. Second, I think you should use the womens bathroom down by the bookstore. Everytime I went to the bathroom there, I NEVER encountered another person. Maybe that could calm your fears. Miss you!
HAHAHAHAHA!
Oh, and! I totally know how you feel! The worst was on Study Abroad when there were at least 8 other people sleeping about 5 feet from the bathroom!
although I laugh, I feel sad I can't relate. Everybody poops and so I guess I never thought that much about the whole issue.
No Dickie, you can kick a stall seat up with your foot - you don't have to pee on it silly!
Since my life seems to only happen on campuses, I usually end up knowing where the nearest, but least used (and cleanest) facilities are. There's always a private sanctuary just a flight of stairs or two away.
I just have to remember not to tap my foot in many of these facilities.
And Katy. I really love your candor.
wow. I would've thought *I* wrote this except it's too funny.
but my floor had this whole convo early on in the year. some girls hit the hand-dryer before they go to poop because it's really loud and lasts a very long time. I have all the same exact fears and anxieties that you do and it's comforting to know someone else has them. maybe we should start a support group- although that might be TOO awkward
p.s. "Everyone Poops" is a classic book of my childhood
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