Lets be honest, I want to be married! This past weekend I went to California to witness the sealing of Courtney Kennedy (my mission trainer) to Scott Toone. They were married in the Oakland Temple and are going to be living in Manteca California. This weekend, in addition to the many other recent weddings, announced engagements, married siblings, married friends, and romantic comedies, has made me seriously reflect on my dating woes and frustrations!So as I said before, I've been reflecting on these experiences and thinking about the future. I have some questions...
#1 What do you have to do to get that 2nd date?
#2 Why don't men my age pursue relationships?
#3 Why does dating have to suck so much?!
#4 Why are all of the amazing girls I know still single? (Okay clearly not all of the amazing girls I know because all of my friends are married and I think they're amazing too!)
#5 Why do married people always tell single people to enjoy their freedom when we all know no one wants to be alone?!
Again my list of questions could also go on for a while, but I'll spare you. I believe that there is a great misconception going around that if you commit to someone, someone better might come along. My sisters have used the term "FOMO" to describe a fear of missing out on social events/activities. I believe that my generation is suffering from an even worse kind of FOMO, a fear of missing out on the right person, a better person, a fear of missing the freedom that is gone once you are in a commited relationship, a fear of commiting too fast. Whatever the reasons, there is something severly wrong here.
When two people get along really well, and are attracted to each other and enjoy being around each other wouldn't that imply that a 2nd date would be appropirate? Isn't that insentive enough to pursue something? To see if it could go somewhere? What are these brainless boys waiting for?
I want to be married mainly so I won't have to stay suspended in this hellish time of life, dating or not dating, wondering if something will ever happen while trying to tell myself I'm fine with being single.
Perhaps the bitter overtones of this post have been off putting to you or perhaps you don't have anything to say about my thoughts. If anyone has any comments to add to this I will be happy to read them. In the mean time, I hope that this wedding hunger will subside and I will be able to return to my normal state of focus on school and car problems.
10 comments:
Aw, Katy I'm sorry about your frustrations! My advice: go for the older guys. Ogg is 5 years older than me and it's PERFECT. He was finally mature enough to where we evened out! Seriously...avoid the guys our age. Like the plague. Unless, of course, you do happen to find an amazing one! Good luck!
So I do not want to lessen the pain of not finding a good guy, but, you are doing a great thing by figuring yourself out first. I am sorry that you are feeling sad about it!
I think it takes a long time to find out that some of the nutters, or wierdos aren't nutters or wierdos. I am married to someone who did not speak to me for the first two months of our acquaintance. We had a very awkward first date....I thought I was on a date with someone else, but well, I guess I wasn't, because the person I thought I was on a date iwth brought a date along. It was very confusing and only post marriage has it been dissected and I have come to understand the dynamics of the very strange date. Also, maybe some of the seemingly more impossible situations (long distance/culutural barriers...you know the one I am talking about) are worth pursuing. Really. I think if someone is willing to make a grand gesture to pursue a relationship it might just be worth it.
Here Here to what Anna said.
I agree with Anna. Here are a few of my friends paths to marriage.
Jaque did not even like her now husband but he just kept hanging around (he would sometimes be at her apt after she got back from other dates, not in a creepy way though) until they were good friends then best friends then...
Gavin and I broke up because he could not see us getting married
My friend Brielle thought her now husband was annoying when he hung out at our apt.
Anyhow, my point is you never know...
I read this post early this morning, but didn't comment because I wanted to think about what I think and how you feel. I remember feeling this way and hating it. I have total compassion for you, it stinks to be in this no man's land of weird dates and singleness and just wanting a companion. I really have no advice except to keep open to all the possibilities. I didn't think much of John when I met him, we worked together for several months before we went out (and that was only because I liked his costume at our company Halloween shin-dig!), but now I see how blessed I am with him. His qualities compliment me perfectly, I think he's hilarious, and I always think he's the cutest guy in the room. And remember, it's all about taking a risk. Good luck Katy-Did!
Smile, be open, and just look at the guys as guys, not an intimidating potential mate. Be patient.
Advice is cheap.
OXO
D.
I'm sorry. Dating sucks. Maybe if you hang out with really cool friends (like me) more, you won't think about it as much. And we all know that when you stop looking for something, that's when you find it (i.e. rings, wallets, cash, etc)!
Katy, my comment would be too long, so I wrote a post on my blog you can read if you like.
*sigh*
katy, I feel your pain. :(
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