Interracial dating/marriage? Awkward or good for us? What are your thoughts?
Marriage is already difficult... is it worth it to add two different backgrounds into the equation or can true love really overcome cultural barriers?
Please feel free to post your thoughts on this topic and let me know what you really think!
15 comments:
Race is irrelevant. Culture may be an issue. Having grown up in Payson & Provo and marrying a girl from Springville (where my mom is from), I can tell you that Jamie and I still came from very different cultures.
It causes problems in communication and expectations, but with patience and a desire to understand, it brings richness and depth to you as you come to understand a way of living different from your own narrow view. The differences between me and Jamie bring a lot of depth to our relationship and have brought about wonderful changes in me.
My mission companions that were native Germans were totally different from my American comps. Again, it posed serious difficulties, but those difficulties brought rich rewards when I put my ego on hold and sought to learn and understand.
As far as interracial marriage is concerned, the taboo in Mormon culture is historically rooted. One of the apostles (and I don't mean McConkie here) during the 50s and 60s had made statements that were surprisingly (from my later perspective) strong statements about the need to keep races separate, as in maintaining segregation.
The 1978 revelation made many of the things he said quite embarrassing. He quickly changed his position from "blacks and whites should remain separate and blacks shouldn't have the priesthood" to "well, OK, but they still shouldn't date our girls."
The issue of the Deseret News that announced the lifting of the race ban on the priesthood included a statement from him warning against interracial dating/marriage.
I think his attitudes represent those of many in Wasatch Front culture at the time (including McConkie as is evident in Mormon Doctrine). Racism became embarrassing, so the momentum behind it was shifted to something less obvious (interracial marriage, affirmative action, etc.). The powerful energy of this submerged racism has had enough momentum to keep the issue alive even today in its less obvious forms.
In short, I personally don't think race has anything to do with anything in a relationship. To God, we are his kids, and I doubt he pays attention to race (or that he ever did). I think your openness to change, ability to listen, and desire to grow (and that of your partner) count for everything.
(You asked for what I really thought, and that is often dangerous.)
Maybe you should ask your brother Phil about this. I agree 100% with Will. Race has nothing to do with ANYTHING in who you choose to date or marry. In my opinion, personality is EVERYTHING and maybe race can influence that... But that photo of King Kong and Superman made me laugh out loud. Good heavens! LOL.
Good question Katy! I think it definitely can bring up some issues that would be avoided if with the same race, but I truly believe that if two people go into a relationship knowing there will be unforeseen differences and are open to talk about it, compromise, and even sacrifice...things will work out. But I believe that this will come in ANY relationship! People are just far too close-minded and selfish. This is a huge reason why the divorce rate is so high.
I mean, even though my husband is from probably one of the closest places to America there is (england...and you know about england!), there still have been a LOT of cultural differences in us. A LOT. It's just taken time and adjustment to get used to them. Yeah. Amen.
Katy do you have a date this weekend?
No really, though, who cares, right? It should make no difference. I remember as a youngster from the very unracially mixed ghetto of Provo, going to England and seeing so many mixed couples and it was honestly weird to me....because of the culture I came from. No one was thinking twice about race in the Hyde Park ward (I am thinking of Bishop Bell) and it was hard for me not to be shocked. I know, that makes me sound racist. I wasn't. Just sheltered. Anyway...no, race doesn't matter. Culture can be a whole different ball of wax, but even that doesn't prevent a good marriage.
No I don't have a date this weekend, I just got a letter from my good little friend Elder Gastelum and i think he might love me and it just got me thinking like all crazy girls do... could I marry interracially? It all sounds good, and I agree with everything that has been said, if it's right it's right and you can make anything work, I just think that it would make marriage that much harder trying to take two VERY different cultures and meshing them together. It would be a great adventure but I think about language barriers between in-laws and how difficult that would be. So I'm just seeing what the general thought is...
The more languages in a family the better. I'll learn whatever he speaks if you marry him. You can hold me to that.
Um, what language(s) does he speak?
Español y Ingles, and that would just be down right decent of you Will
I had a good friend in Omaha who married a Mexican. They were very happy and she learned to make a mean Mexican feast. But really, they lived in the US and away from her in-laws and it didn't seem that they had culture clash at all. (And she was from a family that was mid-western....white, republican, conservative, where Mexican is a derogatory tag.) Honestly I think it would be harder to adjust to marrying someone from Japan where the culture is WAY different. I think Mexicans like to eat and we like to eat and so there you have it! I've also heard that Hispanic families tend to be very close and in each others business. Or is it that Taylors are close and in each others business?
Okay, sorry, one more comment. Chris married Roy whose parents are first generation immigrants from China (Roy was named after the town they lived in). Anyway, her in-laws are culturally very different, but she and Roy are fine. In fact their cute kids take Chinese lessons. Her in-laws won't leave Roy so they see them on their terms. Anyway....another success story.
I think that it doesent matter where a person is from or what they look like, it might make things a little harder to have cultural differances. If you love them and serve them it should all be fine.
Hey Katy- My Dad's Mom was mexican and his Dad was from Idaho (but a very german family) and they loved each other so it worked. John's g-ma was also mexican and his g-pa was from a very prejudiced family in Oklahoma, they were very devoted to each other. The only issues that I am aware of for either couple were the ones that outsiders tried to push on them. Both the "white" families were narrow minded and would make little comments until their sons put there foot down and said (in so many words) "This is my wife, these are my kids, if you love me you should love them." Mind you, this was during the Depression and people were not as open to such things then. The world has become much smaller and more accepting. For myself, I have a lot of pride in my "mixed" heritage (as does John). Finally, I have to agree with Will, any couple, regardless of ethnicity, will have to learn to come together in a way that works for them.
So, is this Elder Gastelum cute?!
I am the product of an interracial marriage, and I think I've turned out okay. I would recommend interracial marriage because mixes always turn out looking the best...especially Japanese mixes.
But seriously, I think interracial marriages are good. I agree with Will that race doesn't have anything to do with anything. The most important part of marriage is that the people love each other and are willing to work hard to truly commit to that love no matter what may come their way.
A question I'm interested in, however, is should people from different religions marry? This seems to be a big issue in our culture because of a couple's inability to be sealed for all time and eternity if one is not a member. (I sometimes relate our culture to "My Big Fat Greek Wedding.") Can it still be a successful marriage? I'm sure it can be, but can it be a meaningful and complete marriage?
Okay, a slightly embarrassing confession. At first glance I thought the blog started with, “Ironical marriages? Awkward or good for us?” And I only saw the first picture of Heidi and Seal. I was thinking (for a little bit), “What makes their marriage ironic?” I little bit of scrolling let me to read things again. Haha…that would be a very different type of post. I enjoyed all the commentary. Nice topic, you’ve gotten lots of chatting about it. I especially like the way you are already getting good ol’ Elder what’s-his-name married into your family. Just don’t forget to do your chores first.
HKB
hi katie,
I hope that you don't mind me commenting on your blog. I take a peek here and there from your sisters blogs and have enjoyed your posts very much.
I couldn't pass up this post without a comment being made and I am hopeful that you will be able to understand my jibberish on this topic. It's a topic that is very personal to me and one that is hard to put into words.
I will attempt to verbalize my thoughts about this subject and my apologies if they do not make sense as it is hard to write what I truly would like to say, especially tonight when my mind seems to be bogged down with cold meds and fatigue due to travel...
My family has Tahitian, chinese, French, Irish and English in it. I have a great uncle who is a Catholic priest, an Aunt who is Baptist and married to an Episcopal priest, my father is adopted and my aunt is African America (also adopted). I am so grateful to be a part of a family who has so many different cultures and backgrounds mixed in. I feel it makes me more well rounded and definetly has made me open minded to everyone...regardless of race or religion.
To me interracial marriage is a non issue. It's something that doesn't ever cross my mind. I didn't even think I was in one myself with my husband until someone in Iowa inquired about it!
I would like to disagree with the point that some have made with it being a little more difficult...only if you allow it to be. It's a wonderful thing to learn and embrace other cultures and traditions(both of these coencide with race)and really it's only hard if you make it or those around you do.
I have never taken offense to those who show their prejudices...in fact I actually feel quite sorry for those who shelter themselves from the beautiful cultures and people who are all around or have it somewhere in their mind that they are superior to another human being.
so to sum it up:
1. I am in one of those marriages and no it's not difficult but that is because we don't allow it to be.
2. I dislike severely those who assume they are superior to anyone else for any reason.
3. I feel bad for those who choose to be sheltered or are sheltered from other races and cultures.
4. date whom ever you wish, race shouldn't play a part...if it does you could possibly miss out on great experiences or at least a fun little dating story to add to the old blog :)
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